It is no secret that Doug Hammerstrom and I are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. I respect him for it. He comes by it honestly, and tries very hard to make his politics and life match his deeply held religious beliefs. He is also thoughtful, smart, and thinks deeply about his life and the world around him. Woe to the liberal who comes to the table with the weak sauce, with this conservative.
It is only after visiting for a few days that understood the depth of his conservative beliefs and where it has led him. He is now in southern Colorado, but soon will relocate to eastern Washington. His current lovely house is on the market.The story is that it is to be nearer the kids, great new job, now is the best time economically and blah, ba-blah. What I have come to realize is that it is all a cover story to hide the depth of his ongoing conflict with liberals.
Colorado is sometimes called a purple state. In national politics it will sometimes end up on the Democratic side, and sometimes on the Republican side. Calling it purple, the middle between red and blue is wrong. Colorado has entrenched pockets of scarlet red and deep navy blue. They are not mixing, it is just that one sometimes one side wins and then sometimes the other wins. You are on the outs or on the ins. You are too entrenched to compromise.
For example, on our way out of town we saw a car with those cute little back windshield stickers that describe your family. You know, a big male stick figure for Dad, a stick figure with a skirt for Mom, couple of kids and maybe a dog or cat. The car we saw had the family described on the male side with two gray stickers of assault rifles, and on the female side a pink automatic sub machine gun and another pink sticker for an automatic pistol. Talk about your hard line positions.
As we arrived on Friday night, we were put to work. The cover story was something about a surprise open house their real estate agent was pulling on Saturday, but I was not buying it. There are no handouts in red America, you need to work before you are fed. So we found ourselves out in the flower beds pulling up weeds, clipping the ragged edge of the lawn, and sweeping the sidewalks. Now it was worth it, as Chef Jodi Hammerstrom is by far one of the best cooks west of the Mississippi. But it was pretty clear, no work, no free room and board.
Now on Saturday, we had to get out for the open house. Literally 15 minutes before as the real estate agents were coming in and we were headed to the cars, a bang in the garage and the room began to fill with yellow dust. The cover story here was that a fire extinguisher spontaneously exploded, but as I put two and two together things became clear. Doug had antagonized enough liberals that he was on an enemies list and they were getting revenge.
Think about it. Moving to eastern Washington is a ruse. What is near eastern Washington? Northern Idaho, a place where you can fortify a cabin back in the woods and become ready for the apocalypse (i.e., Bernie, Liz or HILLARY being elected) by joining a survivalist community. What better gift to smuggle into a survivalist community than a canister of yellow cake uranium?
That's the stuff that was all over his garage! It all made sense to me then. He had ticked off enough Colorado liberals that he had to move on, with a fake to Washington and a jump into Idaho. However, the liberals must have found out, and blew up his supply of yellow cake uranium hidden in an old fire extinguisher! And they did it at the most inopportune time they could find for their old nemesis! Politics in Colorado is really hardball.
As for Marsha and I, we again had to earn our gruel on Sunday. Sweeping, wiping, vacuuming, and washing everything in his yellow garage before the word got out. Where did we send it? Washed it down the driveway into the gutter and sent it on its way. Once it was off Doug's property, it was not his problem any more.
At least we earned another 5 star meal from Jodi and one more night in the guest room. However, on Sunday we had to drink some concoction from Doug's juicer. It was looking good until the last minute when he added beets, and turned the pitcher - you guessed it, a bright RED!
He was born in the summer of his 60th year,
Going home to a place he had been before,
He left Colorado behind him,
He has always been born again,
He ran before he was hit by the door.
Spokane-high-plains-desert high in Washington State
Spokane-high-plains-desert high in Washington State
Knew he'd be a poorer man if he couldn't make the liberals cry!
He crazy enough to make even Bobby Jindal sigh!
